2 Years in the Making...

That's right, 2 years! Jason and I have been engaged longer then just dating. Crazy... I know.

The first time he proposed, yes I made him ask me twice, was in May of 2009. I knew it was coming, we had talked about it so much. He proposed in the Oval on a windy day. We were there throwing the frisbee for Charley (Kenya nor Kit were part of the family yet!). I turned around and he was on his knee. I said yes, but after a month I felt the pressures of our different backgrounds and didn't feel that I could "fight" that fight forever. Let me tell you, I HATED that summer.

But, come July of that year, I was back telling him that I was ready again. The fight was worth it. Thanksgiving rolled around, we were with my family but the day after we were at DIA waiting for a flight to Utah to see his family. They downgraded our big SouthWest plane, to a tiny propellar plane. If you know me at all, you know I'm scared of flying. (You may ask now why we are flying 19 hours to Australia for our honeymoon!? Crazy I know!) Jason sat next to me holding my hand with the hand closest to me with the other bent accross his body like he was hugging himself. I remember putting my head on his shoulder and looking down. The ring was in his hand. A few minutes later he slipped it on my finger. No words were spoken. We both knew the question and the answer.

I wanted to write this to share just a little bit about our 2 year journey as an engaged couple, the ups and downs that have been so hard. Let's start with Jason. Man, how did I land a guy who is always so level-headed? Someone who has never questioned that I am "The One", or at least not out loud, and someone who has given so much to me.

You know those couples you see at church, the ones that you can tell have been married for 65 years and still love each other like the day they first met? I have always wanted to be that couple! That walks into church hand in hand, and are just the spitting image of what marriage is all about. When I broke off our engagement, I kept telling Jason that I couldn't give the hope of one day having that up. I want to walk into church holding my husbands hand in 65 years. The hard part was what church? I knew that I couln't give up my image of the church I had grown up in, the beliefs that have become more a part of me since knowing Jason then before I met him. He told me... I will be there with you no matter which church it is. But what about kids? I couldn't raise my kids in something I was so foreign to, in something that really no matter how hard I tried I couldn't agree with. He told me.... I will be there with you and the kids no matter which church it is. And believe me, I am holding him to that!

I guess right now you are either furious with me, or you totally understand. I hope it is the latter. I mean, think about you, what you wanted for your marriage and your children. You want/ or wanted exactly what I do. Maybe my kids will not follow me, my sister has not followed my parents. But, I will raise them in a church that I am familiar with and feel that they will be strengthened by them in the way that it has strengthened me. After 4 years of dating Jason, I know he is good for his word, and will help me to raise my children and walk me into church someday holding my hand not even blinking at the sign on the building. He loves me and knows that my heart is strong and is in the right place in all that I do.

Now for me.... I have been told many things since dating Jason. Some are wonderful, some not so great. Of course it is always the things that are not so great that stick with you. By two seperate people I have been told to my face that my marriage will not be as Holy as theirs. That because I am not going to be married in the same way, God will not be as present in our union. Imagine being told that. What do you say? What do you do? I have no idea. I still dont know even after being told multiple other things about our future, our differences and how our future will be based on our different histories. It hurts...

Four years, two engagements, and fifteen days before we say I DO. Let me tell you, it has been a bumpy ride. We can handle anything after these four years! It has not always been cupcakes and butterflies, but when he holds my hand and looks at me like he does, I do get butterflies. I do love him, and our marriage has this foundation.

For those of you coming to join us at the end of July, I hope you enjoy yourselves. I hope that you feel the happiness that Jason and I have found in each other. We love you all!