A girl can dream...

I know I know, the wedding is a whole whoppin 279 days away, but I think a girl can indulge and look at wedding things every now and then. I also know that the majority of the people reading this are my "future family", so like me they are looking forward to another wedding coming up soon ;). Congrats Julianna! I hope to hear the date soon! I keep asking Jason if he has heard anything!

I would like to hear what you guys like for center pieces, Jason doesn't seem to have much of an opinion on things like this :)

This is my favorite:

But... I like these too:

And keep in mind that there will be yellow flowers instead of pink! Hope all is well with everyone!

What I have learned about life.... and death

Today was a hard day. For some reason everywhere I turned I was thinking about life, not just the moment I was in but every moment before and after. I decided I needed to write down some things, almost remember what has happened and share what I want for what is left.

I will start here....

When I was little I had fish, frogs, cats, dogs and hampsters die. Everytime a hampster, fish or frog died it was "ok time to go to the pet store". The dogs and cats were different. They are so much a part of your day to day routine. When Bagels died (my cocker spaniel) I am not sure I completely understood. I was 8 when he died. Gussy (my golden retriever) died when I was a junior in high school. The day before he was put down my Mom told us what was going to happen, but thought it was best to have a chance to say goodbye. I slept the whole night by his side under our dining room table. This dog was not just a dog. He was a saint. He was beautiful. He was my Asperagus.

Before Gussy, my Dad's father passed away. Papa. Papa called me smiley and pea pie. He was a man that loved my Mother because my Dad did. He treated her like she belonged. I remember his funeral and feeling like the whole world stood still. I remember the breeze that day and the way my Grandma Betty looked as she recieved the folded flag. I hope he can hear me when I brag about him. I hope he can see that he is one of my heros. I was 11, he never had the chance to meet Isaac and will never see how much his life has paved mine. My Dad turned 49 this past weekend and he looks more and more like his father. I love that.

The last day of High School my friend Johnny was hit while skitching on the back of his friends car. The earth did stand still that day. I played in the marching band with Johnny. I remember trying to play his trumpet and him trying to play my flute, niether of us could do it. Brittany, my good friend, and I were always there flirting with Johnny. After a parade at the State Fair Johnny smiled and winked at me. I saw that smile only once after that, on the day he was hit. Brittany and I had planned on telling Johnny how much he meant to us on the day of graduation. I think he knows even though we never had the chance to tell him.

So why do I write about this, why am I thinking about life and death so much? I dont know really. I guess as I have gotten older each death that I have experienced makes me realize that even because today I feel invincible, because I think there are going to be better days, I really DONT know. I think tomorrow the sun will rise, I will go to school and next fall I will graduate. After that I will be married, I will have kids and live my life like I dream. I just have been thinking, if I do die before then I want to learn everyday about what life really is about. Johnny's senior quote was "Live as if you were to die tomorrow, Learn as if you were to live forever". But maybe this isn't right. Maybe you are supposed to live to learn. Isn't that what its all about? Aren't I supposed to learn from all of the mistakes and all of the experiences that I have? Then what did Johnny and Papa live for? What did they learn? Did they start that day that they died out the way that they wanted? Did I start today the way I would had it been my last?


I miss you guys.

Its been 3 years...

Tomorrow is our 3 year anniversary. I found this little poem and thought I would share.

There's no such thing

as a perfect person-

but there is such thing

as a person who's perfect for you...

and you're that person for me!

Everything about you-

from the color of your hair,

the shape of your nose,

the sound of your laugh,

and the size of your feet-

absolutely everything

that makes you

the mavelously unique

individual you are

is something

I accept, appreciate

admire and adore.

So no matter what you think

is less than perfect about yourself-

it really doesn't matter,

because you're perfect for me.

I wouldn't change one single thing...

I love you just the way you are.

-Dierdra Zollar

Cannot wait for the next 70 years!

Barker Vail Visit Number One

These pictures are all from the 4th of July weekend that I spent with Jason's Family in Vail. Enjoy!

This was a picture Jason just had to have me take. He was amazed this car was pulling a boat twice its size up the mountain.

Jason's Mom and Sister's put on a treasure hunt for the kids, Jason wore a bandanna too.

Jason's Niece Mackay, a chocoholic at heart like all of the Barker's!

Zack, he is extremely mobile! He is also the cutest kid I have seen.

Mackay and Emilie at the park.

William and Nicolas, two cuties!

The ladies once again.

Zack was just so excited about everything!

Carter is actually a really good baby!

I hope Jason can pass some of the Barker cuteness to our children!

We went boating, Jason was very excited and very happy the entire time.

Emilie, Nicolas, and William on the party boat.

Shay and Carter.

The kiddos took turns driving.

Emilie was extremely serious about it. She took it "by the horns".

Kim and Nicolas.

Jason and Mackay

Jason and I

Kim and Shay

The girls also talked about the novel Pope Joan over the weekend. I had the chance to buy the movie and watch it. There was a scene in the book that during our discussion we referred to as the Chapel scene. This part was pretty graphic in the movie. Only the killing was shown though, and not the "other part". This other part happened earlier though in the movie, where I do not remember it happening in the book between Joan's father and mother. This the only bad parts of the movie and there was nudity. So... I would rate the movie as PG-13 other then these 3 parts. They would be R. It was good though, I guess I just wanted to see how they would make it into a movie because there were so many written conflicts and resolutions it would be difficult to show it all.
Again, thanks to Jason's family for your hospitality over this past weekend. It was fun to see all of you.

What a mother should be....

In honor of Mother's Day I thought I would write about my Mom. I know this would be in a couple of weeks, but I thought about this today and would like to get it written down.
To me, a Mother should be nothing less then what my Mom has been for me, a best friend. Since I was young my Mom (and Dad) has been the constant support in my life. She is the one I call the minute something in my life happens, and is consistently on the sideline cheering me on. She knows my flaws and my fears, my wants and my hopes. But most important she knows who I truly am. She is wonderful! I know this may sound cliche, but someday I hope to be half the Mother my Mom is to me. I hope to be the role model, the friend, wife, and Mother that she has shown me how to be. My Mom has become a successful business woman while being the glue to our family. Thanks Mom! Thank you for showing me how to hold my baby dolls, and how to bake cookies. Thanks you for teaching me what is important, what is right and wrong. Thanks for letting me be your little "helper" when you had Isaac. Thank you for telling me it will be ok when my heart was first broken. When I needed a shoulder you were always there, you have always been there when I have made decisions to help me to make the right ones. Thank you for being my Ma.
And to all of those Moms out there, don't forget how much you mean to your children. Someday they will look back and realize how wonderful you have been for them. I promise.

Spring Break

Jason and I began our Spring Break by throwing my parents a 25th Anniversary Party. Jason is such a help through anything, and this time was no different. We both had been planning the party for a few months and the turn out was great! The party was at my church and my parents had the chance to celebrate the wonderful team they have made for the past 25 years.

After the party Jason and I went to visit my sister in Grand Junction. On the way there Jason was going 70 mph through Glenwood Canyon. 250$ ticket!!! But anyways..... my sister is great!! They have a one bedroom house that is just perfect for their family. Marley has started crawling and is just the cutest nephew I could ask for.

Look at that cute thing!! So big! I cannot believe it!

Jason will make such a great Dad someday!

The next day was Jason's Birthday and we spent the day at Beaver Creek. Jason decided he wanted to try snowboarding and he did great. He only fell a few times and thank God he had a helmet. He enjoyed it but admits skiing is probably easier. We ate dinner at Vail Village and ended with ice cream and chocolate from Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. I hope he had a good birthday, I know I had fun spending the day with him!

Jason after the first run!

Jase on a lift, definitely shows why I love him soooo much!

Not a bad picture of us! Happy 22nd Jason!

I made him let me take a picture before dinner with this girly hat on! Sorry Jase!

Friday night and never been happier!

In high school I was a 4.0 student. I never had to study it just came easy, I remember planning college out like it would go as smoothly as high school. Engineering, Easy? What was I thinking? Freshman year I had to learn that getting a C in an engineering class, was an A in a high school class. Granted it took plenty of nights crying over "bad" grades and seeing other people studying the same thing fail for me to realize I was doing just fine for an engineering student. My mom tries to explain that going to college is one of the hardest things that I will do. As a college student you have multiple distractions as well as being in a new environment. After two years living in an environment that was not compatible with me succeeding in my classes I realized getting my own place would be the right choice. Last night I took my first Differential Equations Exam (this is my last math class!!!!). This morning, at 8am. I went to class wondering if I did as good as I felt I did. BINGO! 91.25% on the first exam. The average was a 79%. I have never felt more on top of the world! I had to brag, engineering is not second nature to me, and I work really hard for average grades, but maybe now that I have my habits down I will get back into my high school grade mode! So excited to get such a good grade!!!