Graduation, Christmas, and .... Life

Graduation came and went extremely quickly, probably faster then I even wanted it to.


As always, Christmas did as well. We were so excited to actually spend this Christmas together, not being apart at all. It was nice to be with each other, to open gifts with family and to relax a bit with each other.

Jason will go back to school here soon, with only 2 phases left in school (4 months). I am so very proud of him, he has worked so hard. He recently accepted a job with the Toyota dealership in town just about 2 blocks from where I work. He loves it there, which I cannot ask for any more then for him to be happy. I am so glad that he has found something that he enjoys.

We have settled into our new home and look forward to when the winter begins to disappear. We hear that there is a lot of fun things to do in Cheyenne during the summer time. Today our run was 60 mile per hour wind with snow, it would be nice to at least not have snow hitting our eyes.

Work for me has been going well! I am excited to get my hands dirty and learn more. I like how Terracon is located nationwide, so Jason and I might look into moving back to Colorado one of these days.

We are realizing that we need to take some time for ourselves every now and then. Christmas at the hospital was eye opening to how tired I have really been.

We hope that this holiday season has brought much happiness to you and your families! Happy New Year!

10 Reasons I am Looking Forward to Graduation

1. No Homework!!!!!
2. I can read a novel, not a text book
3. I won't feel obligated to study instead of relax
4. Having a home instead of just a place to live during school
5. Actually having a degree
6. Being able to call myself an engineer
7. No homework
8. Being a CSU Alumni
9. Having a real job
10. Getting paid for the work that I do, instead of paying to do the work that I do.

I guess this is a good time to tell you that I have accepted a full time Environmental Engineering position in Cheyenne Wyoming at a company called Terracon Consulting Engineers and Scientists starting part time now and full time when I graduate. This is going to be good because it is close to home and close enough that Jason and I can live together while he finishes school. I am looking forward to the position as it deals with writing ESA Phase 1 and 2 Assessments and is a lot of field work!!! My new boss says that at Terracon there is no glass ceiling, and I hope to someday attain my PE and be a mentor to younger engineers. I might also have the opportunity to move anywhere in the US (including Colorado!!!).

2 Years in the Making...

That's right, 2 years! Jason and I have been engaged longer then just dating. Crazy... I know.

The first time he proposed, yes I made him ask me twice, was in May of 2009. I knew it was coming, we had talked about it so much. He proposed in the Oval on a windy day. We were there throwing the frisbee for Charley (Kenya nor Kit were part of the family yet!). I turned around and he was on his knee. I said yes, but after a month I felt the pressures of our different backgrounds and didn't feel that I could "fight" that fight forever. Let me tell you, I HATED that summer.

But, come July of that year, I was back telling him that I was ready again. The fight was worth it. Thanksgiving rolled around, we were with my family but the day after we were at DIA waiting for a flight to Utah to see his family. They downgraded our big SouthWest plane, to a tiny propellar plane. If you know me at all, you know I'm scared of flying. (You may ask now why we are flying 19 hours to Australia for our honeymoon!? Crazy I know!) Jason sat next to me holding my hand with the hand closest to me with the other bent accross his body like he was hugging himself. I remember putting my head on his shoulder and looking down. The ring was in his hand. A few minutes later he slipped it on my finger. No words were spoken. We both knew the question and the answer.

I wanted to write this to share just a little bit about our 2 year journey as an engaged couple, the ups and downs that have been so hard. Let's start with Jason. Man, how did I land a guy who is always so level-headed? Someone who has never questioned that I am "The One", or at least not out loud, and someone who has given so much to me.

You know those couples you see at church, the ones that you can tell have been married for 65 years and still love each other like the day they first met? I have always wanted to be that couple! That walks into church hand in hand, and are just the spitting image of what marriage is all about. When I broke off our engagement, I kept telling Jason that I couldn't give the hope of one day having that up. I want to walk into church holding my husbands hand in 65 years. The hard part was what church? I knew that I couln't give up my image of the church I had grown up in, the beliefs that have become more a part of me since knowing Jason then before I met him. He told me... I will be there with you no matter which church it is. But what about kids? I couldn't raise my kids in something I was so foreign to, in something that really no matter how hard I tried I couldn't agree with. He told me.... I will be there with you and the kids no matter which church it is. And believe me, I am holding him to that!

I guess right now you are either furious with me, or you totally understand. I hope it is the latter. I mean, think about you, what you wanted for your marriage and your children. You want/ or wanted exactly what I do. Maybe my kids will not follow me, my sister has not followed my parents. But, I will raise them in a church that I am familiar with and feel that they will be strengthened by them in the way that it has strengthened me. After 4 years of dating Jason, I know he is good for his word, and will help me to raise my children and walk me into church someday holding my hand not even blinking at the sign on the building. He loves me and knows that my heart is strong and is in the right place in all that I do.

Now for me.... I have been told many things since dating Jason. Some are wonderful, some not so great. Of course it is always the things that are not so great that stick with you. By two seperate people I have been told to my face that my marriage will not be as Holy as theirs. That because I am not going to be married in the same way, God will not be as present in our union. Imagine being told that. What do you say? What do you do? I have no idea. I still dont know even after being told multiple other things about our future, our differences and how our future will be based on our different histories. It hurts...

Four years, two engagements, and fifteen days before we say I DO. Let me tell you, it has been a bumpy ride. We can handle anything after these four years! It has not always been cupcakes and butterflies, but when he holds my hand and looks at me like he does, I do get butterflies. I do love him, and our marriage has this foundation.

For those of you coming to join us at the end of July, I hope you enjoy yourselves. I hope that you feel the happiness that Jason and I have found in each other. We love you all!

1 Year Post Op

Dear Lord,

Thank you for helping me through this past year. I never thought I would feel well enough to run again, and I finished my 1st half marathon after surgery 1month ago.

So thank you Lord! For this past year, I know there are reasons for everything and I have learned so much about how strong I am with you by my side!

The Greater Good

Someone once said, “Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” .

Do you believe?

I do...

Some might not see, that just as God has granted us life, he has granted us a large responsibility of protecting his Earth and it's resources.

You may not see it now.... but you will someday.

Jason's New Adventure

I know, I am sappy, I think way to much, and I will never have ALL the answers. But hey, at least I am trying in everything that I do and I only want to be the best version of myself. I have wanted to write this "letter" since last Monday, but seeing as I had a Water and Soil Engineering and a Hydraulics test this morning, work started last week, FE Reviews started last week, and I have to fit time for school and running in that mix it just hasn't happened. So after those tests... and only 1 and 1/2 weeks after Jason started school I will finally get to share how I am feeling about all of these new experiences.


Jason,

WOW! You amaze me, waking up before 4 in the morning every day to sit in class for 6 hours then go to work for another 4 is crazy! You are crazy! I am so so so proud of you! I remember the conversations we used to have trying to figure out what you wanted to do as a career. (even though I remember saying you should be a mechanic about a million and one times) You never seemed really that passionate about any of our ideas. But last week I think I heard you refer to yourself as "the old man in class". You are feeling like you never have before.... absolutely exhausted! HA! Welcome to the club! But I think you are also feeling something called responsibility. And I think I fell in love with you all over last week when you walked into my apartment in your button up WYOTECH shirt and tie. You look so cute in it!

But anyways, I am getting off subject. I cannot express to you how happy I am for you that you found something you like to do. You are way ahead of me in that. But I am also proud that you are mine. That you are not like all of those guys in your class that you talk about. You don't complain about being there, and instead you for once want to be where you're at!

I also wanted to say that it felt strange wanting your attention while you were doing homework, instead of the other way around like it has been for the last 3 1/2 years. Tables have turned I guess. We have so much to look forward to in the next year! We will finally be married, and hopefully I won't miss you as much as I do now, not seeing you because we are both so busy. I will graduate in December and you next February. Our lives will be off and running!!! Hopefully we will both find time to be grateful for the opportunities that have presented themselves this past year. I know one thing I am so grateful for is you. You complete me and I miss you like crazy, but I know someday soon we will be together forever.

So anyways, I am proud of you Jason. I am pretty sure everyone else is too, including my family!

Love you Babe.

The similarities between a dog and Jesus...

Ya I know this sounds funny. This weekend I was at home and saw my 14 year old lab. She was so happy and yet I could tell how fragile her life was. I know some of you think I am crazy. Maybe I am.... a little. We got her on Valentine's day hence the name Valentine. I don't have a picture on here... which is awful. But I really got to thinking about the similarities between my dogs and Jesus. Of course there are many obvious differences, like they weren't born to a virgin or they aren't able to heal the sick and feed the hungry (although I could debate the healing... a hard day is always cured with one run with a dog!). But... They love unconditionally and do not care what you wear or what embarrassing thing you just did.

So I wanted to share this from "Marley and Me" in dedication to the life Val has given my family and whatever she has left to give we will always be thankful for the love, comfort, and protection she offered us...Just like Jesus.

"A dog has no use for fancy cars or big homes or designer clothes. Status symbol means nothing to him. A waterlogged stick will do just fine. A dog judges others not by their color or creed or class but by who they are inside. A dog doesn't care if you are rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his. It was really quite simple, and yet we humans, so much wiser and more sophisticated, have always had trouble figuring out what really counts and what does not. As I wrote that farewell column to Marley, I realized it was all right there in front of us, if only we opened our eyes. Sometimes it took a dog with bad breath, worse manners, and pure intentions to help us see."

Here is to Val and Holly and Gussy and Bagels (These are all from my child hood) and of course...

My Kenya

And my one and only Charley...

"THE" Dress

I am not sure how to emphasize the importance of "THE" Dress to you. I don't care if the food stinks, or if it rains on the big day, but I truely care about the dress. Not that I have to look perfect or even take your breath away, but I want to feel like the dress defines the day of the wedding and how I will be feeling on the inside, amazingly happy.

Sometimes I will turn on "Say Yes to the Dress" and I am horified by the way women expect the day to be the best day of their life. It is simply the day that marks the beginning of the rest of mine. I am not going to lie and say I am not excited about the wedding day, because I am. I am excited to look pretty and have my picture taken and to have everyone that I love in one place watching me as I commit my life to my one and only. In case you didn't know Jason is my one and only. To be honest I am MORE excited about what happens in the days, months, years after we say I DO.

We will watch eachother succeed and fail and be there to hold each others hands through it all. I am so excited to be a family, to watch eachother grow up and grow old. (I am not sure either of us will ever be grown up.) I am excited to go through all of the bad times and all of the good times, because I will be one to admit that I am not perfect and I will have my bad moments, but also know that Jason will be the source of many wonderful moments.

I am so excited to see Jason as I walk down the aisle. My Dad at my side and my Mom in tears, Jason will be the one that I am paying attention to. He will be the only one that I care if he thinks I am beautiful. Today was the day I got "THE" Dress. My Mom, bless her heart, did not know that she was recording videos instead of taking pictures the whole time. Below are "videos" of the dresses I did not get, it is hard to see me very much of the time but you will get the picture :) . You will have to come to the wedding if you want to see the dress I chose. All I can say is I LOVE it!! I think Jason will too!

This is the 2nd dress that I tried on. I ended up purchasing the 1st. It is very brief picture at the beginning of the video. If I was getting married on the beach I would have purchased this qown.

This was the 3rd. Very heavy but very beautiful. If I was getting married inside a church and it wasn't so heavy this would have been the one.

The 4th and last dress was my Mom's favorite. It was a very close second for me. I was not very comfortable in it and didnt feel the way I do in mine!

I hope after the wedding I will post some pictures of the one that I bought and love! I guess now it is time to go get Jason in a tux!

The song to walk down the aisle....

Etta James - At Last

Let me know what you think...

8 months from today...

8 months...
3/4 of a year...
242 days...

This is how much longer until our wedding day!
I know this is obvious, but I cannot wait!

Every girl dreams of the day she will meet her prince,
he will sweep her off her feet,
And they will live together in happiness!

That day happened more then 3 years ago. Jason and I have loved, laughed, cried, struggled, and found our way to where we are now.
READY!

Yes... we are ready!
Ready to be everything to each other, ready to start a life together.

Some of my friends do not think I am old enough, and don't understand the ache inside that I have to start a family (ie marry Jason). They look at me with misunderstanding, that doesn't feel to good.

Jason on the other hand continues to smile, hold my hand and tell me that all of their doubts do not explain the love we have that continues to grow everyday.

Thanks Jason. You will make these 8 months go by so much quicker with your love and friendship.

It's strange...
8 months from today we will be married,
By then we will have been together for 4 years.
1 year from now I will be preparing to graduate.
Seems like these next 12 months hold so many great blessings!
How could someone be sad about that, huh?

Anyways...
8 months
3/4 of a year
242 days

and I will be Jenna Renee' Reaves Barker



WIERD..... BUT AWESOME!!! Can't wait!

A girl can dream...

I know I know, the wedding is a whole whoppin 279 days away, but I think a girl can indulge and look at wedding things every now and then. I also know that the majority of the people reading this are my "future family", so like me they are looking forward to another wedding coming up soon ;). Congrats Julianna! I hope to hear the date soon! I keep asking Jason if he has heard anything!

I would like to hear what you guys like for center pieces, Jason doesn't seem to have much of an opinion on things like this :)

This is my favorite:

But... I like these too:

And keep in mind that there will be yellow flowers instead of pink! Hope all is well with everyone!

What I have learned about life.... and death

Today was a hard day. For some reason everywhere I turned I was thinking about life, not just the moment I was in but every moment before and after. I decided I needed to write down some things, almost remember what has happened and share what I want for what is left.

I will start here....

When I was little I had fish, frogs, cats, dogs and hampsters die. Everytime a hampster, fish or frog died it was "ok time to go to the pet store". The dogs and cats were different. They are so much a part of your day to day routine. When Bagels died (my cocker spaniel) I am not sure I completely understood. I was 8 when he died. Gussy (my golden retriever) died when I was a junior in high school. The day before he was put down my Mom told us what was going to happen, but thought it was best to have a chance to say goodbye. I slept the whole night by his side under our dining room table. This dog was not just a dog. He was a saint. He was beautiful. He was my Asperagus.

Before Gussy, my Dad's father passed away. Papa. Papa called me smiley and pea pie. He was a man that loved my Mother because my Dad did. He treated her like she belonged. I remember his funeral and feeling like the whole world stood still. I remember the breeze that day and the way my Grandma Betty looked as she recieved the folded flag. I hope he can hear me when I brag about him. I hope he can see that he is one of my heros. I was 11, he never had the chance to meet Isaac and will never see how much his life has paved mine. My Dad turned 49 this past weekend and he looks more and more like his father. I love that.

The last day of High School my friend Johnny was hit while skitching on the back of his friends car. The earth did stand still that day. I played in the marching band with Johnny. I remember trying to play his trumpet and him trying to play my flute, niether of us could do it. Brittany, my good friend, and I were always there flirting with Johnny. After a parade at the State Fair Johnny smiled and winked at me. I saw that smile only once after that, on the day he was hit. Brittany and I had planned on telling Johnny how much he meant to us on the day of graduation. I think he knows even though we never had the chance to tell him.

So why do I write about this, why am I thinking about life and death so much? I dont know really. I guess as I have gotten older each death that I have experienced makes me realize that even because today I feel invincible, because I think there are going to be better days, I really DONT know. I think tomorrow the sun will rise, I will go to school and next fall I will graduate. After that I will be married, I will have kids and live my life like I dream. I just have been thinking, if I do die before then I want to learn everyday about what life really is about. Johnny's senior quote was "Live as if you were to die tomorrow, Learn as if you were to live forever". But maybe this isn't right. Maybe you are supposed to live to learn. Isn't that what its all about? Aren't I supposed to learn from all of the mistakes and all of the experiences that I have? Then what did Johnny and Papa live for? What did they learn? Did they start that day that they died out the way that they wanted? Did I start today the way I would had it been my last?


I miss you guys.

Its been 3 years...

Tomorrow is our 3 year anniversary. I found this little poem and thought I would share.

There's no such thing

as a perfect person-

but there is such thing

as a person who's perfect for you...

and you're that person for me!

Everything about you-

from the color of your hair,

the shape of your nose,

the sound of your laugh,

and the size of your feet-

absolutely everything

that makes you

the mavelously unique

individual you are

is something

I accept, appreciate

admire and adore.

So no matter what you think

is less than perfect about yourself-

it really doesn't matter,

because you're perfect for me.

I wouldn't change one single thing...

I love you just the way you are.

-Dierdra Zollar

Cannot wait for the next 70 years!

Barker Vail Visit Number One

These pictures are all from the 4th of July weekend that I spent with Jason's Family in Vail. Enjoy!

This was a picture Jason just had to have me take. He was amazed this car was pulling a boat twice its size up the mountain.

Jason's Mom and Sister's put on a treasure hunt for the kids, Jason wore a bandanna too.

Jason's Niece Mackay, a chocoholic at heart like all of the Barker's!

Zack, he is extremely mobile! He is also the cutest kid I have seen.

Mackay and Emilie at the park.

William and Nicolas, two cuties!

The ladies once again.

Zack was just so excited about everything!

Carter is actually a really good baby!

I hope Jason can pass some of the Barker cuteness to our children!

We went boating, Jason was very excited and very happy the entire time.

Emilie, Nicolas, and William on the party boat.

Shay and Carter.

The kiddos took turns driving.

Emilie was extremely serious about it. She took it "by the horns".

Kim and Nicolas.

Jason and Mackay

Jason and I

Kim and Shay

The girls also talked about the novel Pope Joan over the weekend. I had the chance to buy the movie and watch it. There was a scene in the book that during our discussion we referred to as the Chapel scene. This part was pretty graphic in the movie. Only the killing was shown though, and not the "other part". This other part happened earlier though in the movie, where I do not remember it happening in the book between Joan's father and mother. This the only bad parts of the movie and there was nudity. So... I would rate the movie as PG-13 other then these 3 parts. They would be R. It was good though, I guess I just wanted to see how they would make it into a movie because there were so many written conflicts and resolutions it would be difficult to show it all.
Again, thanks to Jason's family for your hospitality over this past weekend. It was fun to see all of you.

What a mother should be....

In honor of Mother's Day I thought I would write about my Mom. I know this would be in a couple of weeks, but I thought about this today and would like to get it written down.
To me, a Mother should be nothing less then what my Mom has been for me, a best friend. Since I was young my Mom (and Dad) has been the constant support in my life. She is the one I call the minute something in my life happens, and is consistently on the sideline cheering me on. She knows my flaws and my fears, my wants and my hopes. But most important she knows who I truly am. She is wonderful! I know this may sound cliche, but someday I hope to be half the Mother my Mom is to me. I hope to be the role model, the friend, wife, and Mother that she has shown me how to be. My Mom has become a successful business woman while being the glue to our family. Thanks Mom! Thank you for showing me how to hold my baby dolls, and how to bake cookies. Thanks you for teaching me what is important, what is right and wrong. Thanks for letting me be your little "helper" when you had Isaac. Thank you for telling me it will be ok when my heart was first broken. When I needed a shoulder you were always there, you have always been there when I have made decisions to help me to make the right ones. Thank you for being my Ma.
And to all of those Moms out there, don't forget how much you mean to your children. Someday they will look back and realize how wonderful you have been for them. I promise.

Spring Break

Jason and I began our Spring Break by throwing my parents a 25th Anniversary Party. Jason is such a help through anything, and this time was no different. We both had been planning the party for a few months and the turn out was great! The party was at my church and my parents had the chance to celebrate the wonderful team they have made for the past 25 years.

After the party Jason and I went to visit my sister in Grand Junction. On the way there Jason was going 70 mph through Glenwood Canyon. 250$ ticket!!! But anyways..... my sister is great!! They have a one bedroom house that is just perfect for their family. Marley has started crawling and is just the cutest nephew I could ask for.

Look at that cute thing!! So big! I cannot believe it!

Jason will make such a great Dad someday!

The next day was Jason's Birthday and we spent the day at Beaver Creek. Jason decided he wanted to try snowboarding and he did great. He only fell a few times and thank God he had a helmet. He enjoyed it but admits skiing is probably easier. We ate dinner at Vail Village and ended with ice cream and chocolate from Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. I hope he had a good birthday, I know I had fun spending the day with him!

Jason after the first run!

Jase on a lift, definitely shows why I love him soooo much!

Not a bad picture of us! Happy 22nd Jason!

I made him let me take a picture before dinner with this girly hat on! Sorry Jase!